An older lady gets pulled over for speeding..

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see..Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.


Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


MORAL:


Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

Lessons in Logic

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........


.............................................................................

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

........................................................................


Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

........................................................................


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.......................................................................


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

........................................................................

Behind every successful man, there
is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

........................................................................


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

........................................................................


The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

.......................................................................


Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

........................................................................


Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

........................................................................


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

........................................................................


There should be a better way to
start a day
Than waking up every morning

........................................................................


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

........................................................................


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

........................................................................


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends. J



...........................................................................................




If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

.......................................................................

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

.......................................................................


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

........................................................................


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


........................................................................

Santa Singh competes with Harvard, Yale, Oxford

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, Oxford
university and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed
for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER:
WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than
light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

Oxford guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked)
"WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in
my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps,
and before I could THINK,BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!! __._,_.___